ankybeatsall2468
MemberCompsognathusFeb-23-2015 3:44 PMGiganotosaurus:
Length: 47 feet
Height: 15 feet
Weight: 9 tons
Carnotaurus:
Length: 27 feet
Height: 11 feet
Weight: 2 tons
Deinonychus:
Length: 10 feet
Height: 1 meter
Weight: 175 lbs
Giganotosaurus eats his fill of edmarka, then drags the choicest parts, wrapped in skin, back to his mate. About halfway there, he noticed that the carcass seemed to have gained weight. He let go of the half-eaten edmarka and saw a raptor tearing at the skin. Angry, but not seething mad yet, the giga is about to roar at it, then thinks better of it. Surprisingly quickly for a 47-foot, 9-ton animal he grabbed the offender, a deinonychus, and bit it in half. It shrieked and thrashed, though it was useless. Or so the giga thought. Next thing he knew, 15 more deinonychus were on him. Three carnotaurus, stalking the deinonychus pack, hoping to pick off a snack or five, burst out of the bushes. They immediately switched targets on sight. Such a huge beast would last them for at least a week, plus scare away all prey stealers. The giganotosaurus knew this and gave a low warning growl, signalling them all to back off. In all-out war, there was no way to win with so many trees and no clear space to move around. He started running, still dragging the Edmarka behind him, until he burst out of the cover of the trees and into the open. Twelve raptors (three had been bucked off and trampled or eaten) jumped off as soon as the gigantic southern lizard stopped and onto the Edmarka. The easily-set off giganotosaurus grabbed one deinonychus in his mouth and flung it into the forest. There was a thump, followed by three simultaneous roars. The trio of carnivorous bull-lizards stepped into the glade, snouts covered with deinonychus blood. They took the giganotosaurus’s move as an attack and all three assaulted the giga. The southern giant nearly fell over, but kept his balance and staggered over to a large boulder. Seeing what he was about to do, the carnotaurus trio jumped off. One tried to run away behind him, but was knocked unconscious by the giga’s massive tail. The second was too slow and got ground to paste between its larger adversary and the boulder. The last carnotaurus tried to escape right under the massive titan’s snout. Mistake. It was picked up by the back of the neck, legs flailing, and kicked the giganotosaurus in the chest. The giga dropped it, then stepped on its head. A squishy crack sounded, and the bloody mess of the carno’s head meant certain death. Looking back to the carcass, he saw that the deinonychusses had already unwrapped the skin and devoured all the internal organs. It would be no use taking back to his mate now. At the thought of upsetting his newly-found mate, who had trusted him to bring back a suitable meal, he was furious and even a tiny bit afraid. Wanting revenge on the raptors, he lunged forward, plowed one into the forest, stepped on another, and swung yet another at the largest deinonychus. Seven down, eight to go. He smashed another raptor, literally smashed it to bits and swallowed a juvenile whole, bones and all. But the remaining raptors weren’t going down without a fight. They stood up from the meal, hissing, feathers ruffled… and charged. Before they hit him, the pack split up and attacked from the sides. Thinking he already knew how to deal with them, he lumbered over to the rock for the second time. The deinonychusses jumped off before he reached it, and he caught one in his mouth. He threw it at the pack and squashed one more. The four remaining deinonychus, two alphas and their offspring, all went for the giga’s throat. They managed to get in a few slashes in, but all the giganotosaurus had to do was look down. His massive head crushed a deinonychus against his neck, and picked a deinonychus off his shoulder. Mercifully, he let it go and the alphas knew they were no match for this titanic killer, especially with a wounded packmate to take care of. Their choice was a wise one, and they fled. The giganotosaurus took a few raptors and the unconscious carnotaurus. He had a feast with his mate, and she even let out the dinosaur equivalent of a snicker when the carnotaurus woke up to chomping on its legs. They killed it for good and, err, um… did their stuff.
AND THE WINNER IS... GIGANOTOSAURUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Size, strength and power proved more necessary in this fight than speed or agility.
Next: Edmarka vs Neovenator vs Velociraptor
Lord Vader
MemberTyrannosaurus RexFeb-23-2015 3:49 PMNice fight.
Paragraphs are nice. They make it easier to keep track of where you are.
Good job still.
Jack of all trades. Master of none
ankybeatsall2468
MemberCompsognathusFeb-23-2015 3:55 PMoops. I'll remember that. Was it better than last time?
Lord Vader
MemberTyrannosaurus RexFeb-23-2015 4:05 PMGrammar wise, absolutely. You did great.
Jack of all trades. Master of none
Lord Vader
MemberTyrannosaurus RexFeb-23-2015 4:19 PMYeah, the pictures are good.
Jack of all trades. Master of none
Silver_Falcon
MemberCompsognathusFeb-23-2015 4:55 PMGood fight, although there was still some un-needed detail in there (although I must commend you on trying, there was definitely less). An example of this is your last sentence. Instead of saying "They did their stuff", you could instead say "The male looked at his mate, and he at her. Perhaps this was the beginning of a successful relationship." This also sets it up for a potential continuation of the story, but leaves the reader at a good ending point.
One thing I did spot in this though, where run-on sentences. Sometimes these are okay, but when your story reads like the average tumblr blog, you might have a problem.
I can't stress it enough that going through your story after you think you've finished and fixing anything until you are absolutely positive it is perfect. Then do it again. This will greatly improve your writing, and as you go you'll find that you are making fewer and fewer changes to your original story.
Something else you may want to try is having someone peer-review your paper. I know that many members on the forums would be glad to help you with this, including myself.
Again though, good fight, with some creative kills (Giga crushing a raptor with its neck), and a very interesting way of introducing the fighters (raptor hitch-hiking on the corpse). Keep it up though, and you'll do great.
Edit: And yes, pictures are good.
Here, have a waffle (-'.')-#
ankybeatsall2468
MemberCompsognathusFeb-23-2015 5:37 PMthanks for the advice, guys. i agree, run-on sentences are definitely a problem.
Something Real
MemberTyrannosaurus RexFeb-23-2015 8:00 PMANKYBEATSALL2468 - WOW! That was a very involved and excellent battle! I greatly enjoyed the way in which you described the mannerisms and behaviors of the animals you presented within the bounds of your work! Thank you ever so much for taking the time to produce and share this with us! :)
Tyrant king
MemberCompsognathusFeb-24-2015 5:30 AMThis was a great fight. Though I'm not sure how the carnotauru hung onto the carno even though it's hands aren't good for that.
GiganotosaurusKing
MemberCompsognathusFeb-24-2015 10:08 AMWooo! Great fight!
I'm not biased at all. :)
ankybeatsall2468
MemberCompsognathusFeb-24-2015 12:10 PMYAY! TK'S back! the carno had pretty strong feet and legs to hang on, plusit didn't hang on for very long, anyway.