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ODMD: The Valley of Gwangi

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Kattozilla

MemberBrachiosaurusSep-23-2019 9:48 AM

Ok, so starting off, I decided to make a new series. ODMD stands for "Obscure Dinosaur Movie Day". I will review a strange/underrated/not very known dinosaur-themed movie. That means no JP or anything. There probably won't be a schedule either, so stay tuned. Anyways, hope you enjoy my first review.

I recently watched this over the weekend, and BOI was it crap. It's still fun, mostly to make fun of. I watched this before beginning to watch One Million Years B.C., but I got a bit bored so I didn't finish that. Anyway, let'sa goooo

PLOT

There's a guy, and he's looking for another guy with a group of people. Then they find him, but he's dying and he has a cloth bag that's neighing for some reason. Then there's a gypsy and she says it's cursed. FAST FORWARD, We're in Mexico now, and there's a rodeo. They have a show, a reenactment of the cowbois and indians. We see our main man, Tuck, as he meets a Mexican boi named Lope. Then, we see our female lead, T.J., as she and her horse jump into a crate of water with FREAKN FIRE around the rim. But she lives and everybody's happy. We then see that Tuck was actually T.J.'s former boyfriend. But T.J. doesn't like him anymore. Because hes a showoff. Then there's a bullfight and Lope, dat little idiot gets the bull's attention but he trips and Tuck has to go in and get him before he gets rekt. Then he gets hit by the bull, then a guy named Carlos goes in and wrestles the thing, without seemingly getting hurt, when Tuck was in lots of pain when the bull barely touched him- Then when T.J. seems to be an actually good female lead, she becomes a generic girl love interest and they get back together. Then T.J. plays a music box and then-remember that guy with the cloth bag?- a tiny horse (actually it's an Eohippus) comes out named El Diablo. They're going to put him on the back of her horse and he's gonna dance. Tuck then rides on a horse with Lope in the desert and meet a paleontologist named Bromley and he shows him the tracks of a horse with three toes and he brings him to the rodeo to show him Diablo. Then he's like "My god its a prehistoric horse" and then they meet with that creepy gypsy from the beginning and she tells Bromley to bring him back because it's cursed and yada-yada-yada, he brings him back to the "Forbidden Valley" in hopes to find MOAR prehistoric discoveries. They chase him down, then try to catch Diablo but he goes Sonic speed and escapes through a cave...hole...thing. They follow him, and then a Pteranodon (mistakenly called a Pterodactyl,) swoops in and grabs Lope (don't worry they don't kill the kid, if they did we'd have another Jaws on our hands) The Pteranodon falls because I guess it's never carried anything heavy. Then Carlos also decides to wrestle it, and somehow wins by snapping its neck. The group then sees a Ornithomimus and decide, because they are in the "torturing poor animals" business, they chase the poor creature until an Allosaurus, or Tyrannosaurus I don't really know (because it has three fingers, but they call him a Tyrannosaurus), destroys it and pursues them. Bromley is left behind, and hides as a Styracosaurus APPEARS and scares the Tyrannosaurus away, not before confiscating le pterosaur. Bromley goes back to "camp" and Tuck punches a guy who was on the team because he's mad. Then o no, the Tyrannosaurus reappears and attacks, but they rope him down. BUT THEN, the Styracosaurus from before comes back and battles him. For some reason they set the bushes on fire and stab Styra, I dunno WHY, but then Tyranno kills it and manages to catch Carlos and seemingly "kills" him yet all he did was barely bite down and gently set in on the ground. He's about to catch them, but then there's a landslide that knocks him out. They take him to the rodeo and name him "Gwangi" (hence the name) with normal wood and ropes which he should easily break yet he doesn't. By now, I should tell you one thing...Gwangi is really stupid. He snaps at people with his head 10 feet above them. He's probably a juvenile or adolescent. Anyway, they bring him to the arena and a dwarfed gypsy comes in to free Gwangi because he's dumb, and Gwangi of course eats him. Then he battles an elephant and wins. Also Bromley's dead because the bars crush him. Then he, along with Tuck, T.J., and Lope get locked in a cathedral and gets distracted from the organ and Tuck stabs him with a flag. They all escape, but not before Tuck throws a torch and sets the building on fire. The three lock Gwangi inside and the dinosaur gets rekt from the falling debris. The townspeople all stare, and for some reason Lope in crying but then it's the end.

OVERVIEW

It's OKKkkk... but some things: T.J. could've been a good female lead, but she becomes the generic, ditsy love interest. And Gwangi was REALLY stupid. 

 

 Hope you like this thing. If interested, please tell me. Anyways byyyeeee~

i've officially left. thanks for the memories!
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Gmkgoji
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Thinking happy thoughts is kinda hard rn

Zwei Wing is the best singing duo. Change my mind.

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Kamoebas V.6
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Wait,Wikipedia confirmed that,there,there...

Will be 2 more Carnosaur films...

END ME ALREADY!

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TheLazyFish
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... Why would you bring me this news? Then again, they said the same thing about the last airbender...

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

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Gmkgoji
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Wack.

Zwei Wing is the best singing duo. Change my mind.

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Kamoebas V.6
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BRUH...

DID YOU ACTUALLY FALL FOR THE JOKE?

I WAS KIDDING!

BUT THERE ARE REALLY 5 CARNOSAUR MOVIES!

 

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TheLazyFish
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Nah, was being sarcastic. But seriously... 5... well, there's far worse than Carnosaur.

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

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Kamoebas V.6
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The Last Airbender?

ITS THE LAST ONE BUDDY!

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TheLazyFish
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Eyyyyyyyyyy

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

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Kamoebas V.6
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Did'ya get the joke?

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TheLazyFish
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(In Bane Voice) Why of course

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

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MinecraftDinoKaiju
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Since this topic has gone off the rails with Carnosaur, allow me to bring it back on track.

This was a nice review. I can't wait for more like this. Keep up the good work. :)

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TheLazyFish
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Well, we're just saying Carnosaur would make a good review... so I guess that's my main suggestion? It's bad, but it's something to get you used to the bad ones before you tackle the ACTUALLY bad ones.

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

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MinecraftDinoKaiju
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Like Dinocroc or that one found-footage dinosaur Area 51 movie? (Sorry, I forgot the name of it.)

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Xenotaris
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Raptor Ranch? oops wrong Found-Footage dinosaur movie

ALIEN VERSUS PREDATOR UNIVERSE
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TheLazyFish
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Area 407. Flyleaf should probably cut her teeth on Dinocroc or Carnosaur first though. Or Dino Shark. Everyone should see moderately shitty films before delving into the Area 407s and Jurassic Sharks of movies.

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

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Xenotaris
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I remember liking Carnosaur when I was really little because it was a dinosaur movie but it wasn't until I was a preteen that I realized that the carnosaur movies sucked. I think it was Carnosaur, Carnosaur 2, Carnosaur 3: Primal Species, Raptor, and The Eden Formula

ALIEN VERSUS PREDATOR UNIVERSE
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TheLazyFish
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I watched half the first one when I was a kid, but I'd only seen Jurassic Park as far as Dinosaur movies go at that point, so I absolutely hated it.

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

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Xenotaris
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Oh another obscured dinosaur movie is Dinosaur Island. Watch the 2014 one, not the 1994 (PS. Don't watch the 1994, its a softcore porno and the dinosaur props are reused Carnosaur puppets)

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Gmkgoji
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OOG

Zwei Wing is the best singing duo. Change my mind.

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MinecraftDinoKaiju
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Hold up. Flyleaf's a she?

If that's the case, then it's still awesome.

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