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ODMD: The Valley of Gwangi

ODMD: The Valley of Gwangi

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Kattozilla

BrachiosaurusMember1447 XPSep-23-2019 9:48 AM

Ok, so starting off, I decided to make a new series. ODMD stands for "Obscure Dinosaur Movie Day". I will review a strange/underrated/not very known dinosaur-themed movie. That means no JP or anything. There probably won't be a schedule either, so stay tuned. Anyways, hope you enjoy my first review.

I recently watched this over the weekend, and BOI was it crap. It's still fun, mostly to make fun of. I watched this before beginning to watch One Million Years B.C., but I got a bit bored so I didn't finish that. Anyway, let'sa goooo

PLOT

There's a guy, and he's looking for another guy with a group of people. Then they find him, but he's dying and he has a cloth bag that's neighing for some reason. Then there's a gypsy and she says it's cursed. FAST FORWARD, We're in Mexico now, and there's a rodeo. They have a show, a reenactment of the cowbois and indians. We see our main man, Tuck, as he meets a Mexican boi named Lope. Then, we see our female lead, T.J., as she and her horse jump into a crate of water with FREAKN FIRE around the rim. But she lives and everybody's happy. We then see that Tuck was actually T.J.'s former boyfriend. But T.J. doesn't like him anymore. Because hes a showoff. Then there's a bullfight and Lope, dat little idiot gets the bull's attention but he trips and Tuck has to go in and get him before he gets rekt. Then he gets hit by the bull, then a guy named Carlos goes in and wrestles the thing, without seemingly getting hurt, when Tuck was in lots of pain when the bull barely touched him- Then when T.J. seems to be an actually good female lead, she becomes a generic girl love interest and they get back together. Then T.J. plays a music box and then-remember that guy with the cloth bag?- a tiny horse (actually it's an Eohippus) comes out named El Diablo. They're going to put him on the back of her horse and he's gonna dance. Tuck then rides on a horse with Lope in the desert and meet a paleontologist named Bromley and he shows him the tracks of a horse with three toes and he brings him to the rodeo to show him Diablo. Then he's like "My god its a prehistoric horse" and then they meet with that creepy gypsy from the beginning and she tells Bromley to bring him back because it's cursed and yada-yada-yada, he brings him back to the "Forbidden Valley" in hopes to find MOAR prehistoric discoveries. They chase him down, then try to catch Diablo but he goes Sonic speed and escapes through a cave...hole...thing. They follow him, and then a Pteranodon (mistakenly called a Pterodactyl,) swoops in and grabs Lope (don't worry they don't kill the kid, if they did we'd have another Jaws on our hands) The Pteranodon falls because I guess it's never carried anything heavy. Then Carlos also decides to wrestle it, and somehow wins by snapping its neck. The group then sees a Ornithomimus and decide, because they are in the "torturing poor animals" business, they chase the poor creature until an Allosaurus, or Tyrannosaurus I don't really know (because it has three fingers, but they call him a Tyrannosaurus), destroys it and pursues them. Bromley is left behind, and hides as a Styracosaurus APPEARS and scares the Tyrannosaurus away, not before confiscating le pterosaur. Bromley goes back to "camp" and Tuck punches a guy who was on the team because he's mad. Then o no, the Tyrannosaurus reappears and attacks, but they rope him down. BUT THEN, the Styracosaurus from before comes back and battles him. For some reason they set the bushes on fire and stab Styra, I dunno WHY, but then Tyranno kills it and manages to catch Carlos and seemingly "kills" him yet all he did was barely bite down and gently set in on the ground. He's about to catch them, but then there's a landslide that knocks him out. They take him to the rodeo and name him "Gwangi" (hence the name) with normal wood and ropes which he should easily break yet he doesn't. By now, I should tell you one thing...Gwangi is really stupid. He snaps at people with his head 10 feet above them. He's probably a juvenile or adolescent. Anyway, they bring him to the arena and a dwarfed gypsy comes in to free Gwangi because he's dumb, and Gwangi of course eats him. Then he battles an elephant and wins. Also Bromley's dead because the bars crush him. Then he, along with Tuck, T.J., and Lope get locked in a cathedral and gets distracted from the organ and Tuck stabs him with a flag. They all escape, but not before Tuck throws a torch and sets the building on fire. The three lock Gwangi inside and the dinosaur gets rekt from the falling debris. The townspeople all stare, and for some reason Lope in crying but then it's the end.

OVERVIEW

It's OKKkkk... but some things: T.J. could've been a good female lead, but she becomes the generic, ditsy love interest. And Gwangi was REALLY stupid. 

 

 Hope you like this thing. If interested, please tell me. Anyways byyyeeee~

i've officially left. thanks for the memories!
50 Responses to ODMD: The Valley of Gwangi

MinecraftDinoKaiju

StegosaurusMember968 XPOct-09-2019 2:10 PM

Since this topic has gone off the rails with Carnosaur, allow me to bring it back on track.

This was a nice review. I can't wait for more like this. Keep up the good work. :)

TheLazyFish

VelociraptorMember1630 XPOct-09-2019 2:13 PM

Well, we're just saying Carnosaur would make a good review... so I guess that's my main suggestion? It's bad, but it's something to get you used to the bad ones before you tackle the ACTUALLY bad ones.

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

MinecraftDinoKaiju

StegosaurusMember968 XPOct-09-2019 2:24 PM

Like Dinocroc or that one found-footage dinosaur Area 51 movie? (Sorry, I forgot the name of it.)

Xenotaris

AllosaurusMember4251 XPOct-09-2019 2:43 PM

Raptor Ranch? oops wrong Found-Footage dinosaur movie

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TheLazyFish

VelociraptorMember1630 XPOct-09-2019 3:08 PM

Area 407. Flyleaf should probably cut her teeth on Dinocroc or Carnosaur first though. Or Dino Shark. Everyone should see moderately shitty films before delving into the Area 407s and Jurassic Sharks of movies.

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

Xenotaris

AllosaurusMember4251 XPOct-09-2019 3:15 PM

I remember liking Carnosaur when I was really little because it was a dinosaur movie but it wasn't until I was a preteen that I realized that the carnosaur movies sucked. I think it was Carnosaur, Carnosaur 2, Carnosaur 3: Primal Species, Raptor, and The Eden Formula

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TheLazyFish

VelociraptorMember1630 XPOct-09-2019 3:34 PM

I watched half the first one when I was a kid, but I'd only seen Jurassic Park as far as Dinosaur movies go at that point, so I absolutely hated it.

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

Xenotaris

AllosaurusMember4251 XPOct-09-2019 3:42 PM

Oh another obscured dinosaur movie is Dinosaur Island. Watch the 2014 one, not the 1994 (PS. Don't watch the 1994, its a softcore porno and the dinosaur props are reused Carnosaur puppets)

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Gmkgoji

VelociraptorMember1789 XPOct-09-2019 3:42 PM

OOG

Zwei Wing is the best singing duo. Change my mind.

MinecraftDinoKaiju

StegosaurusMember968 XPOct-09-2019 8:02 PM

Hold up. Flyleaf's a she?

If that's the case, then it's still awesome.

TheLazyFish

VelociraptorMember1630 XPOct-09-2019 10:34 PM

... Wut?

 

Also, to answer your question, yes, Flyleaf's a she.

 

Xenotaris

 

Yeah... any of the 3 Dinosaur Islands will do for a bad movie, but I advise you don't watch the 1994 one because of what Xenotaris said. I personally think the reuse of the Carnosaur puppets more insulting than using Dinosaurs to make some shitty porno lol. Christ, at least be a little CREATIVE with your SINGULAR Dinosaur! Then again, I just heard it has only the rex... never actually saw it, thank god.

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

Xenotaris

AllosaurusMember4251 XPOct-10-2019 7:22 AM

I didn't know there was an additional movie called Dinosaur Island. The 2014 Dinosaur Island, if you can get passed the super annoying protagonist, its has the most scientifically accurate dinosaurs seen in film. Like the design on the movie's mascot, Mimos the Sinornithosaurus has flight feathers. However there the movie's resident large dromaeosaurids were designed really odd, they looked like a generic JP Raptor crossed with a Vulture or maybe a Turkey and an Ostrich; also they lacked flight feathers.

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Kattozilla

BrachiosaurusMember1447 XPOct-10-2019 7:52 AM

yes i am female

ALSO,

My great aunt has One Million Years BC (1966) recorded, soooooo...

i've officially left. thanks for the memories!

TheLazyFish

VelociraptorMember1630 XPOct-10-2019 8:58 AM

Um... I think the feathering on the T-rex in that movie is way too much. It's as bad as having it like The rex in JP, at least that one could blend in to its background. Say what you will, but I honestly think that the Dinosaur Games did a better job portraying it than Dinosaur Island. They could blend in, subtle different markings between individuals, fairly accurate. Still, as far as build, Dinosaur Island Rex is the best, besides all those colorful feathers. Seriously, in what world could it camouflage or blend in or NOT STICK OUT when hunting prey?

If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.

MinecraftDinoKaiju

StegosaurusMember968 XPOct-11-2019 12:39 PM

Maybe in a world where it needed those feathers to attract a mate? (Possibly?)

Xenotaris

AllosaurusMember4251 XPOct-11-2019 11:37 PM

well the world were the dinosaurs were living in was a strange trans dimensional space that made all the feather dinosaurs that live there have the same color palette. The Tyrannosaurus's feathers were blue, the dromaeosaurid's feathers were blue, and Mimos the Sinornithosaurus's feathers were blue. I wonder if there was a connection or the movie designers liked the color blue?

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Kattozilla

BrachiosaurusMember1447 XPNov-14-2019 6:05 AM

This series is super dead.....I need to somehow get my hands on these movies.

i've officially left. thanks for the memories!

MinecraftDinoKaiju

StegosaurusMember968 XPNov-15-2019 9:47 AM

Correction. It was dead... until you revived it.

Xenotaris

AllosaurusMember4251 XPNov-15-2019 1:43 PM

I could offer more suggestions: The Lost World (1994), The Lost World (1998), The Lost World (2001), and The Lost World TV series (1999-2002)

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MinecraftDinoKaiju

StegosaurusMember968 XPNov-16-2019 12:28 PM

So many Lost Worlds. It's like...inception. Lol ;)

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